Looking at the world through my eyes..
If you haven't the strength to impose your own terms upon life, you must accept the terms it offers you...

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Revelations are never easy....

Hey everyone,
 Man it's so hard to keep up! Ive been really really busy lately!! Going to school full time, going to the gym full time and raising a family is HARD!! Ive been thinking about this whole post a picture a thing and ive decided im going to do it. I still need to get a "now" pic.. and a s soon as i do that, up they go.. This revelation came to me this morning as i went to pee. I know TMI..

Yesterday was my daughters 17th birthday and i was unable to get her anything.. This sent on a mini binge, that included 2 cupcakes and bout of crying, My 12 yr old caught me and so trying to hide it, I went to my basement to hideout and cry. Well thats where i hide my scale from myself. I figured this day can't get any worse and even though i just ate, and its the end of the day,, why not. Well it said 239.8... I didn't believe it for a moment and got on 3 more times.. but there that number stayed. Still not sure i believed it and now that its morning, i don't have the courage to go and look again.. I told myself Monday...

However that whole experience brought me to a revelation this morning as i peed.. i know again with the TMI.. It occured to me that i did my first biggest loser challenge at the YMCA in the beginning of January 2009.. I weighed in at 334 pounds.. This is my second challenge,, I weighed in at 253 on September 3rd 2009... If im in the 230's,, i am almost 100 pounds gone in 10 months.. It doesn't feel or seem like it can be true but numbers don't lie.. Why does it feel like im going nowhere? Why do i still look in the mirror and see a sea of fat?? Man i got issues!! Im scared though,, looking at that number on the scale scared me inside because my head tells me,, thats not true,, its a dream..your going to wake up and soon!! But i keep going foreward because backs just not an option..

I had cereal,eggs,toast and fruit for breakfast.. i try to balance every meal this way.. I haven't figured in the whole vegtable thing yet,, but im working on it.. I also did what i call "batch" cooking.. I made 2 whole packages of chicken breast,, grilled them,, I made Turkey burgers and because i HATE vegtables i got the bright idea to put broccoli in them.. They were ok,, It made them a lot denser than usual. If you make homemade burgers the oldfashioned way, with breadcrumbs or something to "bind" them as my grandma used to say.. don't because the broccoli seems to take the place of that,, I also made spaghetti and chili (turkey of course) .. Then i packaged everything into single or double servings and threw them in the freezer!! (spaghetti noodles can be frozen.. cook to taste,, cool,, toss lightly in olive oil,, portion and freeze) I use wheat.. yum!!

well thats it for me right now.. Time to discover how bad i bombed on my test..



  1. I started school full time this semester myself. I am 46 and need to start all over again. It sucks and somedays I love it and others I hate it. I am right there with you. BTW, I do the sunday cook and stock up deal and I love it. Makes things so much easier.

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  3. how are you doing?

    - Lisa