If you haven't the strength to impose your own terms upon life, you must accept the terms it offers you...
Friday, May 7, 2010
A revealing look at the "me" of it all....
I feel pretty ok today, I want to thank everyone for thier supportive words during my "dark time". i'm not going to say everything is all peachy keen and great and i'm totally back on the "eat healthy" bandwagon. I ate like crap today, I had god only knows how many cookies and handfulls of potatoe chips and i think i blacked out because i seriously cannot remember what else i ate! So has she lost it finally you ask? Why is she so happy all of a sudden.
The answer is, I have NO freakin idea. I got a little extra rest that may be it, I aced my practical exam today, that may be it, I didn't have to go to the gym today.. Hmmm i dunno. I think i just got tired of whining and crying, bitching and moaning. Clearly im unable to go back to the way i was so i may as well go foreward right. Your probably wondering where back was. this was the beginning for me. i never had the courage to post this before but now i do. I can't forget where i have been anymore than i can stop looking forward to where im going. That is where i was. I look at that picture and i think wow.
How, when and where did this happen? Why? I dunno, I just know i'm not going back there. If i can find joy in anything. I should be able to find joy in that thought. Now thats not to say im happy where im at. this is where i am right now. As of today in my doctors office. Sigh i'm not happy there either. Look at (5/7/2010)
That gut!! All the shirring in the world can't hide that gut,, but you know what,, if it went from picture one to this,, It can down even more. I think my lesson for today is I'm going to have bad days, Im going to have melt downs and crying spells, Days where i kick and scream and want to die and days where i just have to have that pack of cookies, but IT'S OK!! long as i remember, I get to pick and choose my battles in this war. I am in control of what happens and as long as even a small part of me is willing to fight. I WILL EMERGE THE VICTOR!!! It may take another year. It may take longer but i'm not going to just give up. The finish line is right around the corner and when i reach it.. this is the face you'll see.
Just hopefully a little slimmer!!
Thank you all because without your encouragement and words that have given me sooo much to think about and have really made me realize. I don't stand alone. I'm not the only one out there hurting. There are wonderful people just like you, beside me, in front of me,, and even those i don't see behind me holding me up. Thank your for the accountability.