I chose to walk because in the beginning when i was 300+ pounds it was all I felt I could do. I remember the first time I decided to do it. I picked evening because I felt no one would be there to see me wobbling around the track. I remember walking and thinking and praying. I remember going there and watching the sun rise some days, and set others. I remember sitting in my car crying my heart out to my lord for his mercy and help,, to take this pain away. I remember praising him for all the good he's done in my life, all the small things that tend to get lost in the bigger picture. I remember gaining a closeness and a serenity and the strength to make it through my day there.
In life as a child, when you fall down and hurt yourself, you go home. It's the only place you know you'll be welcome, you can relax and think, where you can go to get a hug and an assurance everything will be all alright. (at least in theory). Where you can begin again. This morning I chose to go home.
This is home. I walked about three miles. I listened to my music, and I listened to my heart and I realized I had to make more choices and all I can do is pray the choices I make today will make the choices I have to make later, easier instead of harder. 1 choice I made was, yes I need to pay my bills but I also need to feed my family, so i went to walmart. A friend brought me a couple things because they were proud of me for working out. I don't have any workout clothes so they brought me 2 workout shirts, a jump rope and a waist belt thingy. I think a part of me must have known it would come to this because I never removed them from my trunk. I sat in a secluded part of walmarts parking lot and cried for a while and then pulled myself together,, took it inside and returned it all to ease the amount of money I would have to spend on food and necessities. I got chicken, thighs I chose them for their cheapness but also because the skin is easy to remove,, It's all about making the best choices you can given the choices you have.
I also made the choice to try to go to 1500-2000 calories a day. I'm going to aim for 4.. 400 calorie meals and at least 2 snacks of 100 calories or so if needed. I think with my activity level that would help. I'm not quite sure how to go about it, ideally for me with my life the way it is, ediets would be a good choice and I could easily and quickly find 400 calorie meals I can make and like and print out a shopping list immediately, but as that's not one of my choices, I'm trying the library and Internet. So far not much luck and seeing as how I leave by 6 30 every morning.. (earlier if i walk) and don't get home until after 9 pm most nights its going to make things very difficult. I'll just keep praying that the lord shows me something.
well I guess it's back to the drawing board for me. When you lose your way sometimes its better to go back and start at the beginning again. I pray your path is always straight and true. Until next time...