If you haven't the strength to impose your own terms upon life, you must accept the terms it offers you...
Thursday, July 15, 2010
negativity.. is that a word.
I don't know what to say. I woke up afraid and stressed, its 3 in the morning. I had a so so day today. It got really bad for a moment because i let a comment one person made about me hurt me. She said i was a negative person. There's a lot of backstory but im to tired to go into it in detail but basically shes very incompetant and i do mean VERY, which results in me having to question her on a LOT of things she does. I know this and i'm sure since i never have anything good to say to her she sees it that way. Thats actually fine. It did hurt though because we'll truth hurts. I AM a negative person but after 40 years of bieng beat down by life, i dare you to be any other way.. The negativity in my life WAYYY outweighs the positive. im up at 3 in the morning because i cant sleep from stress. Im trying to figure out how to pay 800 dollars in bills with 300 dollars. I cant borrow because realistically i cant pay it back.. lying here,, i tried to think of maybe pawning stuff but the most id get from my pitiful pawnable stuff is probably 100,, i thought about selling my plasma,, can u imagine how much i would have to sell at 35 dollars a pop!! i had to let credit cards go a couple months back so no go there.. credits taken a major hit so theres really nowhere for me to turn, i lie here trying to cry as quietly as possible because my son is in the bed next to me.. im stressed, im exhausted, im afraid any moment we will all be sitting here in the dark,, with no way to cook, barely enough to eat and possibly on the street, im gaining weight,, school is shit and im supposed to be mary fuckin poppins.. not likely... not likely at all.. im sorry,i cant do this right now, im gonna go..