Eyes

Eyes
Looking at the world through my eyes..
If you haven't the strength to impose your own terms upon life, you must accept the terms it offers you...

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Your worthy of losing weight.. o Really??


 I'm sitting here in the school library, still feeling kind of dead inside and numb. I should be studying but right now I’m not in the mood. I was sitting here thinking to myself what am I going to write? What do I have to say? I started to talk about my day yesterday which by the way went ok. I had many triumphs over food, but I also had a few personal setbacks. I took a spinning class and managed to actually jog a half mile around the track. I have mixed feelings on that one. I have bad knees, arthritis and 2 knee surgeries to repair torn cartilage has pretty much made something like that uncomfortable to say the least, but I fall into the trap of "what everyone says" Jogging is good for you, it'll take off the weight, you should do it. Meanwhile, I’m reasonably sure I’m going to do more damage and end up in a wheelchair before my time.


I digress, what I really decided to talk about was this theory of being overweight because "we" must feel we are unworthy. Just another label to slap on someone that society feels is socially unacceptable? An "o that must be why" kind of answer?

I disagree slightly with that theory. I think most people’s weight loss journey is deeply personal. Although we all may have similar stories of eating habits, feelings, and results of such, our individual issues are ours alone. Now that's not to say that a person can't empathize or have gone through something similar but people react to situations differently. For instance, 2 children can grow up in an abusive home, equally abused, they share the same stories, they understand the same pain, however their emotional makeup and the way they handle the situations may be vastly different, 1 may become an abuser, while the other becomes passive, 1 may turn to drugs while the other may turn to food. So it's very important to understand that what you may feel and what another may feel is going to be unique to that individual.

A lot of times I hear the epitaph "you are worthy" or "you are deserving" which in my mind somehow implies I do not think I am worthy or deserving. On the contrary that is why things are so hard for me. I KNOW I am worthy and deserving of more than this crap of a life I have. However, I am first and foremost a realist. After almost 41 years of life, I see my life for what it is and no amount of sugar coating and glossing over it is going to change it. To put it simply. It is what it is. The issue of being worthy of something does not enter my mind. I know I’m worthy of a lot of things, does that necessarily mean I will get them? No. I believe I’m worthy of a million dollars, will I open my bank account and have it in there? I doubt it. I believe these are 2 separate issues. Am I worthy of losing weight? Sure I am. Do I get tired of the struggles? Do I get overwhelmed by stress? Yes I do. When skinny people get stressed, they eat too!! Does that mean they feel they are unworthy or undeserving of something? Do we put that label on them?

The issue in some cases of overeating is comfort. Some people choose drugs, some sex, some hide in books, some in exercise, some retreat from life altogether. How we deal with our stresses is a choice. In some cases an unconscious choice but a choice none the less. Just because I have food dreams, just because I find comfort in books, food, exercise and isolation does not mean I think I am less of a person and unworthy. It just means that this is where I find my comfort to help me get through my day. That I’m possibly, more than likely, depressed. Do I always give in to it? No. Sometimes feelings are there for a moment or a time when they are useful. They are a distraction from the pain or stress of whatever it is that ails me. When I blog and say I want to eat. I feel out of control, I'm craving this or that. I say that because that is what I’m feeling at that moment and that's what this is about, gaining control of the feelings, acknowledging them allowing them to wash over and out so that I am better able to control them.

If I honestly said I felt unworthy of anything it would most likely be love and or affection. Even then I can't honestly say I feel unworthy of it, more so just distrustful. I'm not sure I really believe it when it is presented to me. However if there was anything, I would honestly and humbly say that was it. Now when I’m feeling that, I don't want to eat, just the opposite, I am unable to eat and want to hide, I feel like I am dying inside. I know o to well what it feels like to feel you’re unworthy of something. For me though, it’s not about feeling unworthy to lose weight, now stress eating. THAT I can identify with!

Do you feel unworthy of anything? What do you do about it? Do you think your eating habits make a difference in that feeling?

18 comments:

  1. I do get the feeling of unworthiness when it comes to love and affection and I struggled with that for a long time. I think that comes from childhood and being neglect by my mother, not having the love and affection from her.

    As for unworthiness about losing weight I think that is all in my hands. I am like you when it comes to stress and eating and feeling down and eating. I think too I go to things for comfort like the computer mostly these days or exercise too.

    It is true that this is our own journey and we have to figure it out for ourselves. I write and talk to you out of friendship not out of feeling sorry for you. I take what you say to heart because I trust in your words. I need friends and I consider you a good one even when we don't get to talk much.

    As for the knees, I took the orthopedics advice and did what he said because he's the man that knows about knees. I don't listen to other people/trainers etc about them because I don't want to do more damage. He did say I could jog if it didn't hurt me and though it really doesn't I just don't really care for running that much I've realized. I say do what doesn't hurt you don't let others influence you to hurt yourself more.

    I've come to realize when it comes to the weight loss stuff it's about finding the right balance that works between exercise and food. Sometimes it's tough getting it to balance out especially when there's a lot of stress going on in my life.

    You're a smart, caring, woman Trina and I do think you will sort this all out.

    With your questions I can't say I feel unworthy all the time but at times there are things I do feel undeserving of. I feel lucky for the good things in my life and I try to focus on them as much as I can. As for does my eating habits make a difference in my feelings yes of course they do. But it almost seems it all goes in a circle between the eating and feelings or feelings and eating over them. But my weight doesn't make me who I am so I try to always remind myself of that. I definitely need to define myself by other things.

    Sorry for the long ramble.

    Hugs and Love, Dawn

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  2. "I believe I’m worthy of a million dollars, will I open my bank account and have it in there? I doubt it."

    LOL, well put.

    I do internalise abuse, which is obviously not great for self-esteem, and can lead to comfort eating.

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  3. Hi, just popping in to see how all is going for you; how has the past week or so been?

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  4. I think for a long time I was so busy taking care of everybody that I forgot about me. I had to pick up the pieces when my Mom made bad choices, I married, had two kids, worked full time, found out my son had autism, and food was not the healthiest. Now, at 37, I am realizing I need to get healthy for me! New to your blog, hope you can follow mine as well.

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  5. I'm so glad that I came across your blog. It's good to see another person who finds it important to stay fit and healthy. I have lost over 125 lbs. myself and will be featured in the November 2010 issue of Shape magazine. This is VERY exciting for me! Anyway, my blog is located at www.LauraGetsFit.com if you'd like to check it out. I added your blog to follow, so feel free to follow mine as well. I look forward to reading more of your journey. Take care! <3 Laura

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  6. hey!! you have a wonderful blog. thanks for sharing your weight lost progress here. keep it up and never give up. you can do it.

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  7. You're doing awesome. I try not to focus on feelings of unworthiness. The key to success I find for me is to focus on the things I have accomplished, and use that as motivation to drive me forward.

    Yes, I do have setbacks and they can be disappointing, but unworthiness doesn't resonate with me. I hope you're feeling worthy today!

    If you have a chance, check out my blog too. 100 Pounds Goal. I'd love to hear your comments.

    --Trevor

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  8. Hope you are as well as possible given RL stressors, Trina.

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  10. I think it is a personal decision to lose weight yes...but when we know the health criteria related to it we get inspired from the masses.I do not feel unworthy...I am happy I am able to read and enjoy so much information and new ideas and make life happy.

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  11. It's amazing how much emotions play in a part in losing weight. Sure you lose weight but to have long term weight loss success you need to look at the emotional side which is always the most overlooked.

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  12. You have such a beautiful soul! I do have emotional eating issues and tons of weight to lose. I'm struggling with these issues and I'm blogging my way through Jillian Michael's Unlimited. It's really helping me get down to business without getting overwhelmed. I'd be honored if you'd check it out! http://beyondtherainbow.blogspot.com/

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  14. When I wrote these things, they weren't for credit, or recognition. They were what i was going through and from the heart, hoping simply that someone else understood or could be helped by it. Even myself in looking back.. Take what you like and use with no worries. I need no credit from a free blog!! in my life "to God be the glory".

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